What happens when we let children fail?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to see my children or my students fail. I want to see them succeed, but I know that success requires many iterations of failing and learning from mistakes.

Let me tell you a short story. 

The Christmas Market Experience

Two years ago, I ran a project called “Christmas Market” with a mixed-age class of students between 7 and 10 years old. I divided them into groups to create Christmas products and explained that one of the rules was to use recyclable materials so they wouldn’t have to spend money on supplies.

Two students refused to follow this rule and said, “We want to make characters from a video game out of playdough. We’ll add Christmas hats to fit the project theme, but we won’t give up on our idea.” 

I explained that everyone should respect the rules, but I quickly realized they weren’t going to give up. So, I told them they would need to cover the cost of the playdough. They wanted to test their idea, and I realized that if I didn’t allow it, they would stop working on the project.

I decided to let the two of them work together to try their idea, making sure they didn’t spend too much on playdough since they might not earn it back. I wanted them to learn from the experience.

At the Christmas market, the younger student was missing. Despite being alone, the other student successfully managed to sell all the products, but  after covering their costs, they didn’t make much profit. Next week, during our reflection class, we discussed what went well and what didn’t. They mentioned the amount they had earned at the fair, just like the others, but nothing more. I congratulated them on having the courage to test their idea, even though their project hadn’t been the most profitable. 

However, I thought that the younger student who missed the event didn’t learn much.

Two Years Later

Now, let’s see what happened this year. The younger student who missed the Christmas Market, now one of the oldest in class, is participating in this project again. As before, the rule of using recyclable materials was still in place. When he noticed that a group had brought playdough to make a Santa, he went over to their table and told them that it wasn’t a good idea. He explained that buying materials instead of using recycled ones would lower the team’s profits. He shared that he had tried it before and his team earned very little, while teams that used recyclable materials earned much more since they didn’t have to spend anything on supplies.

I was stunned. Two years later, he remembered. He had learned — not from a lecture or a rule, but from experience. He had failed, reflected, and grown.

Watching him confidently guide others reminded me why it’s so important to let children take risks and learn from their own choices. If he fails again, it will be for a new reason — and he’ll learn even more.

Why Failing Matters

The story above illustrates the power of iteration: trying, failing, reflecting, and learning — because that’s how real growth and success happen.

Allowing our children to fail sometimes is an important part of their learning process, as it gives them the opportunity to develop problem-solving skills and self confidence. Learning is a process — it takes time. 

Our role as parents and teachers is to support children and help them get back up, not to stop them from making mistakes. This approach teaches them that it’s okay to ask for help and that there’s no shame in doing so. It creates a safe environment where they can explore, fail, and grow.

How We Can Support the Process

Focus on behavior, not labels.

It’s important to avoid labeling a child, such as saying, “You were stubborn.” Instead, focus on the behavior: “We have rules everyone needs to respect. Let’s think about how you could get money to buy the playdough.”

Recognize the effort.

By congratulating him for testing his idea, I showed my students what they did well so they can recognize which behaviors to continue — not just where they went wrong. 

Let them manage small risks early.

Learning about money clearly involves making mistakes, and it’s much better to allow our children make them now, with small amounts, than later, when the consequences are bigger. 

That’s why I encourage all parents to give their children a small weekly allowance to help them learn money management and financial responsibility. 

Guide reflection instead of judgment.

After mistakes, wait a bit for things to calm down, talk together about what happened so they can see what they might do differently next time. For example, instead of saying, ‘I told you so,’ try to ask, ‘What did you learn?’ or ‘What will you do differently next time?’ That way, the focus stays on growth. In this way,  the choices made during the Christmas Market or in managing an allowance become practical life lessons, helping them make better financial decisions in the future.

Try these strategies, and you’ll start to see the magic happen. But remember, real learning takes time and many iterations.